Hey everyone
I'm so glad this forum was started...it was a bit difficult to navigate through the BT forum and I found stuff was all over the place - and I need organisation just to get through the intro phase of BT!
My story began from early childhood I guess, I was always a chunky kid, that escalated to obese very quickly after high school when I started uni. I kind of stopped caring and allowed myself to accept that an abusive relationship was OK (like another member in the forum, seems like a pattern in a way). I think subconsciously I was eating to make myself less attractive to the opposite sex, after all, if you're fat and ugly, you can't get hurt, right?? Despite my self-sabotage into obesity, I still felt like crap. Being obese made me feel a lot worse than he ever did. I don't blame my ex for my being obese, I blame myself for not being strong enough at the time to say no.
At this point I'm in a healthier relationship, but I'm afraid that after a while my partner will lose interest in me...If I was in a relationship with myself, I certainly would not want to be intimate! Why should I expect him to feel any different??
I decided to start BT out of desperation. I don't think I can realistically continue with my current path, my lifestyle. I hate myself, looking at myself in the mirror, seeing my reflection in the glass as I walk past shop windows and see clothes I'll never fit into. Ordering clohes online in size 24 only for them not to fit right anyway once I receive them. Having my butt spill over to the seat next to me on the train. Saying no to going out with friends because I have nothing to wear and I feel "fat" 24/7. Being stared at by inconsiderate people with disgust. Looking at women's magazines and feeling worse than ever. Do I go on?? I'm sure you all know how I feel, we're all two sides of the same coin, right?
I think addiction to food is just like any other...only when someone smokes or drinks or takes drugs, the aftermath can be somewhat hidden, but if you like me have a toxic relationship with food, there is no way we can hide away from that. I only have to look down and see my stomach or turn around and see my butt enter the room 5 min I have. At the risk of sounding negative, I really think you have to hit rock bottom before you can climb back up. My rock bottom is right now, I don't even know how much I weigh because I'm afraid of the scales. All I know is that I have progressively been buying larger clothes and I'm balloning to enormous proportions.
I'm here because I'm not perfect and I need help to find myself again and to regain control of my life...starting with what I put in my mouth.
I hope you all join me on my journey. Thank you for reading :-)
Dana
I'm so glad this forum was started...it was a bit difficult to navigate through the BT forum and I found stuff was all over the place - and I need organisation just to get through the intro phase of BT!
My story began from early childhood I guess, I was always a chunky kid, that escalated to obese very quickly after high school when I started uni. I kind of stopped caring and allowed myself to accept that an abusive relationship was OK (like another member in the forum, seems like a pattern in a way). I think subconsciously I was eating to make myself less attractive to the opposite sex, after all, if you're fat and ugly, you can't get hurt, right?? Despite my self-sabotage into obesity, I still felt like crap. Being obese made me feel a lot worse than he ever did. I don't blame my ex for my being obese, I blame myself for not being strong enough at the time to say no.
At this point I'm in a healthier relationship, but I'm afraid that after a while my partner will lose interest in me...If I was in a relationship with myself, I certainly would not want to be intimate! Why should I expect him to feel any different??
I decided to start BT out of desperation. I don't think I can realistically continue with my current path, my lifestyle. I hate myself, looking at myself in the mirror, seeing my reflection in the glass as I walk past shop windows and see clothes I'll never fit into. Ordering clohes online in size 24 only for them not to fit right anyway once I receive them. Having my butt spill over to the seat next to me on the train. Saying no to going out with friends because I have nothing to wear and I feel "fat" 24/7. Being stared at by inconsiderate people with disgust. Looking at women's magazines and feeling worse than ever. Do I go on?? I'm sure you all know how I feel, we're all two sides of the same coin, right?
I think addiction to food is just like any other...only when someone smokes or drinks or takes drugs, the aftermath can be somewhat hidden, but if you like me have a toxic relationship with food, there is no way we can hide away from that. I only have to look down and see my stomach or turn around and see my butt enter the room 5 min I have. At the risk of sounding negative, I really think you have to hit rock bottom before you can climb back up. My rock bottom is right now, I don't even know how much I weigh because I'm afraid of the scales. All I know is that I have progressively been buying larger clothes and I'm balloning to enormous proportions.
I'm here because I'm not perfect and I need help to find myself again and to regain control of my life...starting with what I put in my mouth.
I hope you all join me on my journey. Thank you for reading :-)
Dana